You might be thinking "But, how? Why?!" Just hear me out. As women we're given the amazing ability to grow a life inside of us, and with that comes a lot of other emotions, and special powers. For example, NO one in this world could ever feel the same way about my child like I do. Also, no one has the same motherly senses like I do - I could sleep through a war happening right outside of my house, but if I hear my son made one little noise I wake up instantly to make sure he's okay. When he cries in the middle of the night because he's hungry or tired of wearing his soaking wet diaper, I fix whatever is wrong instantly. My child's father on the other hand, can sleep through the crying so I'd be the one with all the night time duties. I can't even begin to describe how I feel when he does actually does wake with Royce at night and the next day he says "I'm so tired, I barely got any sleep last night." Inside, I'm looking him dead in the eyes and screaming in his face "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TIRED MEANS!" but on the outside I'm rolling my eyes and mumbling out the words "Thanks for letting me get a little extra sleep."
Even though I desperately needed the me-time and don't regret it now, I felt like such a bad mom doing anything by myself. I will forever preach to mamas that if you're going crazy being trapped in the house, it is okay to leave for an hour or two. It's completely normal to feel like a slave to your child and getting that little break, whether it's just buying groceries or meeting up with your friend for brunch, definitely recharges you and makes you feel sane again. While I feel SO strongly about this, it's a lot easier telling other moms than doing yourself. When I was sinking into an ocean of guilt after getting out the house, my boyfriend wouldn't think twice about accepting an invite to go to the bar for a drink or two. No one would question who was watching our son either. But when I would go out, I was bombarded with questions like "You've already left him alone?" "But don't you feel bad?" and the worst question of all: "But who's watching Royce?!" Insert side-eyed annoyed face emoji. Y'all are aware that he has a dad too, right?
Part of me envied Neal for getting to be the father and not the mother - I felt this way for weeks. Sometimes I still feel this way. But now I realize how lucky I am to be the mother, and how God has given these special gifts to women because he knew men probably couldn't handle it all (sorry guys!).
So before y'all think this was just a post to bash my child's father, I'll express how grateful I am for everything he does to help. As soon as he walks through the door, he wants to take Royce and give me a break. He still changes all of our son's nasty diapers even after Royce squirted poop all on the comforter and his shirt. He lets me take a nap or get work done and won't give him back until I say I'm done. He'll miss out on hanging with his friends just so I can hang out with mine, even though finding a sitter would be relatively easy so he could go out too. He'll make sure I get in some extra snoozes while he prepares breakfast for us. Sometimes he'll even let me drive and sit in the back with Royce, which is more important than y'all probably think because he's a way better driver than me and doesn't let me forget that!
One thing that helped tremendously was expressing my feelings towards my boyfriend. I told him how tired I was, how sometimes I felt like I was going crazy when I couldn't get our son to stop crying, and that it wasn't fair that he got to go out more than I did. Guess what? He thanked me for telling him. He said he would try harder to help more and do whatever it took to make me less stressed. While I know not every woman is as lucky as I am, it is crucial to explain your concerns and feelings to someone about how you're feeling. All it took was for me to open up my mouth. Even though I may have to say it over and over (because he's a man and y'all know they don't listen, haha) it feels good to know that he's trying. I can't tell you how many moms I've heard complain about how their partners sleep through the baby crying. In a way, they can't help it. As moms, we need to recognize that, but also realize that knowing that will never make it easier on us.
We both know that he'll never get to mom and I'll never be able to give him my hormones, senses and other super powers, but as long as he's trying, that's enough to call it 50/50 in my book.
Your husband, boyfriend or baby-daddy's body did not react to having a baby like yours did; unfortunately, there's nothing we can do about that. So during those late night feedings that he'll more than likely sleep through, please remember that this phase will pass and you will go back to not hating your child's father. Who knows, you might even beg him for another baby!