Ask me what I thought of God a year ago, and I would have said that I was a non-believer. Actually, ask me that same question four months ago. I would have given the same answer.
There was something in me that felt missing. I searched high and low for that missing piece, especially in others. I lowered my standards and my morals in hopes that they would take me in; I thought a "man" would complete me.
I gathered the courage to ask my friend (and teammate) if she'd join me for church because I've heard so many good things about City Church of Chicago. First service in and I felt like I had already belonged. I love their "motto" you may call it, which is "Welcome home, we love you already". I felt like they were accepting of every little part of me - even my past mistakes. They assured me that not only were they accepting, but He was accepting.
After that one service, reading the Bible form time to time (on my cell phone app because I still don't own my own copy), writing in a journal, and talking to God here and there, I honestly felt like things were going well. I had a better relationship with my family members, brought new people into my life that made me so happy and brought me closer to God and made me so happy, and simply had better, brighter days. I was excited to wake up every morning. I was excited to see what each day would bring.
Recently I fell behind with my good habits. I've become stressed out, irritable, and had events occur in my life that would tear ANYONE down, especially a young woman like myself. Now, I feel extremely alone because during some of those tough times I was comforted by individuals who are no longer in my life. I've cried the past three weeks more than I would like to admit and have questioned why these crazy things keep happening to me. I'm not saying that I believe he is doing these things to me because I haven't been focusing on my faith with him as much, but I do believe this is his way of showing him that I am stronger than I think I am and he will always be there. I believe this is his way of telling him that I need to refocus.
You're right. It isn't okay to talk to God only when you're down and need him. We often forget to thank him during our happiest moments, but make it a duty as soon as things don't go our way. You should thank him after every little moment that happens in your life whether it's exciting and joyful or traumatizing and confusing. Obviously the most recent times in my life have been traumatizing and confusing and I've spent a lot of time with my face pushed deep into my pillow and crying myself to sleep. But if this is what it takes for me to start again with my journey, then so be it.
I'm a firm believer on everything happens for a reason. It's tough to not know what that reason is, and it's incredibly hard to never know what that reason is. Sometimes you wait and wait for something to get better and you wish the world could just stop for you. You wish someone would ask what's wrong because they know you're not okay. But no one asks sometimes, and the world will never stop just for your problems. This is because God knows you're tough, and life goes on.
"God is greater than the highs and lows." Until recently, I've never felt that to be more true. He is present and with you at all times, even if you question him and don't believe he is. Every battle you go through is his way of making you a stronger human being. God has a bigger plan. He may not always give you what you want, but he will give you what you need.
Keep reminding yourself to continue the fight and that He is always on your side. He is always there. He is gracious. He is forgiving. He is caring. He always listens. His love is truly everlasting. Trust that wherever life takes you, it's for a reason. Remember these things, and you will be able to conquer anything that comes your way.